Sunday, January 10, 2016

New Resolution For A New Year

It's beginning of a new year. I have new hopes, new resolutions. With a strong determination to have a better year, I made some changes for my kids' arrangements, with the hope that things will take a turn for the better. Honestly, I am not sure if what I did was right. I just know that some changes will be needed.

Well, after 1 week of school begins, I'm not so sure anymore. What should our focus be for our children? Should we fill their time with activities and tuitions, or should we free them from all these and let them enjoy their childhood and school life? Just like how we used to during our time? Should we nourish their soul with faith education, or should we give priority to other skills that they lack instead? After all, we only have 24 hours a day, and we can't have everything. Priority and wise selection should be important here. And of course, mutual agreement from both parents and children is key.

Last year, when both my kids brought their report cards back, I can't help feeling a little disappointed after seeing their results, even though I have prepped myself for this. Especially when I see so many parents posting about their kids achievement on Facebook. I don't understand why mine can't perform better. Yes, I know I shouldn't compare, but I just can't help it. 

I could be over-expecting, but I can't help myself for putting such a high standard on my kids. I was a top achiever in my school - all thru primary and secondary. Hubby said that was because I came from an 'ulu' place, my kampung is a small place and the competition is not that high. But when I made it to being the best student during my university's convocation, I strongly believe that hard work does pay off. I do acknowledge that I'm far from being a genius, or I would have make millions by now. Still it's something that I am still learning to accept and figure out why can't my kids perform up to my expectation. 

Many said it's not time yet. We need to wait for them to 开窍. I kept wondering how long to wait. And I do know that academic results doesn't mean much really. Getting the best results doesn't mean I could be the best employee or earn the highest pay. It's just a passport to get a good job but doesn't define how well we could perform in our career later.  

We need to see each child as a gift, to be welcomed, cherished and protected… Pope Francis

Each child is different. And as parents we often make the mistake of making them achieve something that we dreamt of achieving but couldn't at our time. I'm definitely one of them. I could still remember how I was bursting with pride when my eldest came back with distinction for her piano ABRSM Grade 1 when she's not even 7 years old yet. This is something that I failed to achieve myself, but she did it. But poor girl, with the amount of practices that I was drilling into her at that time, I never stop to think that she could be stressed. She was so steady! And it's sad to realise that she feels that her achievement is more for Mommy rather than for herself. I know I've been failing badly then. That's why I wanted to capture it here so that I won't repeat it with my 2 younger ones later. 

Stop trying to perfect your child, but keep trying to perfect your relationship with him
- Dr. Henker
I guess I should focus more on this from now on. Hubby kept reminding me that we parents need to build their confidence since small. That's because I did voice my concern if that would make them too arrogant later, but he countered that it's ok for 厉害的人 to be a little 骄傲, LOL. I guess both of us have different parenting style. 

Parents need to fill a child's bucket of self-esteem so high that the rest of the world can't poke enough holes to drain it dry
-Alvin Price

I have to keep reminding myself that I must not give up on them, even when they keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I've read many touching articles from successful people that, the greatest reason for them to be what they are today, is because their parents never give up on them, when the rest of the world did. So aye, children are apt to live up to what you believe of him. 

As your kids grow they may forget what you said, but won't forget how you made them feel 
– Kevin Heath

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me. 
– Jim Valvano

My biggest weakness is I can't stop nagging and pointing out their mistakes. I do praise them when they did the right thing, but I do not have the patience to explain to them why can't they do this or that.

Praise your children openly, reprehend them secretly. 
- W. Cecil 

From this year onwards, I will remember that children are a precious loan to us, and each one has a unique path on life.  My job is to help them find out what that is. When I ignore a child’s intrinsic strengths in an effort to push her towards my notion of extraordinary achievement, I would have undermine a bigger plan. 

I am going to give them a sense of balance, and leave the rest to God. 

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